Spartanburg Regional Health Center Criterium


For Immediate Release:
May 3, 2014

–Bryant Whines; Says Beach Bike Has Just Three Gears and No Brakes

Spartanburg’s Tim Bryant, Surf Director at, won’t be joining top cyclists from around the country today as they compete in the 10th annual Spartanburg Regional Health Center Criterium race –and opening event for this Upstate South Carolina town’s Spring Fling festivities.

Still have my Jamis Earthcruiser from the 1980s on Jax Beach

“What people need to understand is that my bike, a Jamis Earth Cruiser from the 1980s on Jacksonville Beach, is barely ride-able and, besides, I’m gotten so marshmallowy I’m lucky to make it from the top of our hill down to the mailbox and back without spilling my coffee or whatever,” Bryant said. “Besides, I’d have to pump up one of the tires and it’s doubtful I could find the pump in time for the start.”

“Another factor,” he added, “is that much the same as Sammy Hagar’s can’t drive 55′ I just can’t go ’round and ’round on asphalt. It’s just not in my DNA. I have to be on a beach or at least just a few blocks off the beach in a small beach town like Folly, Tybee or Jax. Going in circles on asphalt would drive me crazy and my mind would wander dangerously.  I’d space out. An hour or two later, I’d wonder how I ended up in Gaffney.”

Bryant says he wishes all the competitors the best of luck and hopes there’s no hard feelings about sitting out this year. “I’m not a snob or anything like that. They’ll be fine. I have faith in them. I just know they’ll be okay without me. You guys be brave out there and win one for the Gipper.”

Despite nixing the Criterium this year, Bryant says he would consider coming out of retirement for a race featuring rusted out beach bikes where riders balance surfboards one one side and Big Gulp drinks on the other.

“Yeah. I’d be up with that. I’d roll off the pool float for something like that.”

# # #

— Tim Bryant
Surf Director at Pineapple Hill


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *